Saturday, October 6, 2012

Top Ten Worst things about Uncharted 3:Drake's Deception

Hello again.

Welcome to another exciting review by yours truly, Ryan Scully.

You might have noticed a few changes after coming back here. For starters, I renamed the post "Ryan's video game Reviews" and listed the url as I was cleared for it by Google and it sounds a lot better then my first title. Plus the fact that I have the words "video" and "game" in it should make the SEO better.

Don't judge me; I need Google hits!

Also, you might notice with surprise and delight that I am posting on this blog earlier then I said I would. I did have my heart set on not posting for a week, but we got some hot AAA titles that came out this week and will come out on the next, so I want to blow this post out of the water and get started on some more recent titles. But as promised, this next post is about Uncharted 3:Drake's Deception.


In an effort to maintain journalistic integrity and make you pee your shorts in laughter, I will now charge in the opposite direction of my previous internet article and give you ten reason not to buy this game.

Why? Why Not. I feel it is my duty to at least make some attempt at objectivity and scrutiny, as it is my firm belief that the reviewer's job is not to promote games but to inform consumers about them so they can spend their money wisely.

Keep in Mind that these are my educated opinions. These are not meant to be insults. I have no delusions of intellectual superiority, and while the game industry is far from perfect, I write this not merely to rip on everyone's favorite game or prove myself a better designer/planner/player/thinker/whatever, but to illustrate things you might want to watch out for if you plan to spend $60 bucks of your hard earned cash on a high end luxury item like this during an economic recession.

 If you disagree with my comments, be civil about it. If I get so much as a whiff of one trolling fanboy on my comments section, I am banning commentary privileges from all of you. So don't be a douche, and read my ten compliments on the game here before mouthing off about how biased I am.
That being said, leave a comment and get to shout "first".

Okay, now that the necessary public service announcement and the unnecessary ramblings are over and done with, time to show all you happy people what you've been searching for.

Here are ten scenes, mechanics, and other things about Uncharted 3 that I hated:

#10:Waiting to play during a long cinema
Okay Naughty dog; I get it. Dialog in video games sucked the big one, and you turned it up a notch for all of us. We a gamers thank you for it. Really. I place this only at number ten because you do this so well.

But if we really wanted to spend three to four hours of our free time watching a movie, saving sixty bucks would be as easy as ordering Netflix. Quit jerking us around! I say this not because I don't want better story; I just would like to participate in it. I say this to all of you flashy game artists out there...


I am looking at you.

 #9:Inconsistency of Plot between Game Play and Cinema.

Now that I divulged the audience in this teed-bit of game design wisdom, let me buffer my earlier statement with what you would think was pretty obvious; If you are going to all the trouble of making a decent cinema please be certain that IT MAKES SENSE WHEN YOU ACTUALLY PLAY!

Example; the main protagonist. Nathan Drake; lovable, brilliantly clever, and compassionate to his fellow man. At least that what the cinemas suggest.

In Uncharted 2, his backstabbing accomplice Flynn gave him a silenced pistol. Nathan complained until he was told they were just tranquilizer guns.

In Uncharted 3, he gives his blonde girlfriend Elena a silenced pistol, emphasizing how he hopes they don't have to use it.

In both games, I eventually see
Drake shooting up mercenaries and pulling guards off high ledges

What gives?

Seems almost painfully obvious that somewhere in Naughty Dog studios there is a lack of communication. By the looks of things, its likely to be between the movie makers and the game developers. Next time you guys think this is going to happen, call someone. Or better yet, answer the phone yourself!

Speaking of Bad Communication

#8: Talbot's unexplained luck


It has come to my attention that I am starting to ramble with what are supposed to be brief observations. I will cut to the chase this time; Why did Charlie Cutter not kill Talbot half way through the game? Seriously, put that legendary dialog to good use and explain how he survived a shot to the chest.

#7: Constant Puzzles

Let's face it; there are a lot of puzzles in this game. And most of them are simply a way to flex the player's brain muscle between point A and point B.While its good to know that hard, solid research went into making this game, we as gamers would get our money's worth if they weren't forced down our throats between firefights and ledge climbing.

#6:Monotonous Climbing 

 It's bad enough we have to waste an hour and a half waiting for the hint to drop for a ridiculous puzzle. It's even more frustrating to spend most of a level climbing up and down walls and shimmying on ledges. It's good every once in a while, but gets more and more redundant each time.

#5:Not getting to fight Rameses

In case I wasn't clear the first few times, let me make my point clear; I WILL NOT PAY $60 TO WATCH A FRICKIN' MOVIE!

That goes double for the main antagonists. If you want me to hate and fear the ring leader of a gang of Pirates, let me finish him myself! Your game is an interactive medium, dev team! Let us interact!

#4:Mediocre Sneaking levels.
I like stealth mechanics.  Let me take out enemies quietly and I will feel like a super ninja commando in an action movie.

At least, until I try to sneak up on someone and get spotted out of sheer chance. Then I feel more like a  retard playing hide and seek with gun monkeys.

If there is a particular order you want me to snap enemy necks in, please let me know before I die 8 million times in a row. Kinda enhances the game.

#3:Not being able to Face the Villianess


This is just lazy development. Seriously. You spend the entire game building up a single character as the main antagonist for what? To see her sink in quick sand while Drake tries to save her for no other reason then another futile attempt to make our hero heroic. Lame and Dumb.

I am going to save you the reader some trouble by not describing the countless things wrong with this strategy and instead give a little example of how this scenario could be vastly improved.

Picture this Naughty Dog: No cut scene, same dialogue. Only this time you are actually playing the game while Marlowe is sinking into the ground. The player is given a choice. Choice one; leave the crumbling ruins thus dooming Katherine Marlowe to a well deserved death, all the while further motivating Talbot to hate Drake's guts. Choice two; walk up to the sand to try and save her, start a quick time event in which you struggle to set her free, only to have her try to stab you in the back (literally). Give the player one chance to dodge it, and once Drake ducks have Sully Bull Rush his one time lover over Drake's back right into the quick sand. Talbot hates Sully now, and you have Marlowe's dagger in hand when you duke it out.

There. Simply by replacing the complicated cinema with a choice and quick-time event, I made the process of saying goodbye to miss-big-and-bad all the more satisfying. I came up with that in less then a minute. Can I have your jobs now?

#2: Not getting to fire the Rocket Gun

When you give me a weapon, I expect to be able to use it. IN GAME! Cinemas just don't cut it boys.

#1:Cutting Charlie Cutter Out!

Here is a good way to tick off players; have a side character, make him more developed and endearing then anyone in the game, and then take him out of the game half way through without so much as a goodbye. If Clint Eastwood can take a five minute scene to say good bye to his partner in Dirty Harry one, how hard is it to say goodbye to Charlie while getting on the plane? Or better yet, take all of this character development and put it in the Blondie Drake meets up with in every single game!

Food for thought.

Well that almost wraps everything up for this review. Ladies and Gentlemen, for the first time ever in Ryan's Video Game Review, please allow me to introduce the

Seven Word Synopsis

To summerize, it is basically when I use two words to describe why the game is good, then give two words why it isn't, and lastly give three words on what I think you should do about it. Ready? Go!

Great Dialog


Mediocre Game


Recommend Renting it.

And that was Uncharted 3! Next review: Dishonored!

See you soon!

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